I remember the first time I uttered these words. I had weighed all the consequences. I had even done some “soul searching” – you know, like when you reminisce on the time spent, the money and all the activities – the experiences. I thought of it all. But I remained resolute. I was making the right choice. 

 At the risk of losing the pleasure of all the “enjoyment” and YOLO vibes – albeit a tough decision, I decided to utter, no scream the words “I THINK WE SHOULD BREAK UP”. It was about time I started thinking about my future. I wasn’t getting any younger. Living recklessly was for the youngsters. It was a toxic relationship I had with my money management and I had to end it. 

 For me, and maybe it’s because of the sentiments of this season of love, I am willing to share my experience on how I decided to focus on the things that matter – I’m on a self-love journey. For those who know, there are 5 stages of every breakup and I went through all of them;  

 -Denial: I saw that my funds were depleting exponentially. I was late on every bill – all the time! And I don’t even want to remember my conversations with my creditors – story for another day. Yet I chose to believe that somehow, it would be sorted.  

 -Anger: When I realized these things weren’t sorting themselves out, I got upset. Like what happened to the saying that if you do not worry about your problems, they’ll eventually go away? I guess it didn’t apply to some problems. This one especially.  

 -Bargaining: The problem wasn’t going away and so I thought to see how we could reach a consensus. “God, if you make this creditor forget about my debt, I will no longer spend above my means”. At this point, I just wanted a way out. I laid all my “problems” on the table. All my debts, my late bills, my subscriptions – I had a monthly zodiac sign subscription and I wondered to myself, how did I pay for that?! In despair I asked, where do I go from here? 

 -Depression: Seeing all my debt and my “financial ruin” left me in a funk! I self-blamed…I mean nobody forced me to buy that Samsung Digital Signage Flat Panel TV. It was lovely, but I really didn’t need a new TV.  

Thankfully, I didn’t stay in this depression state for long because I started spending time indoors, with myself. Reading. Looking at what was trending on social media – Don Jazzy receiving breakfast from Rihanna – even though I am pretty sure she knew nothing about his feelings for her – I digress. Interestingly, my depression period was my learning period.  

 -Acceptance: At this point, I accepted my faults. The role I played. It wasn’t my “problems”, it was me. And I decided to do something with my learnings. I made a list of things I was ending;    

1. Spending on Impulse;  

This habit sewed itself into the very fabric of my existence, leaving a hole in my heart and my pocket. I used these tips here to fight back. It wasn’t easy but hey I am telling the story now, so I won.   

2. Irresponsible Borrowing; 

I had a lifestyle to keep up that left me borrowing incessantly even when I did not need to. I knew one thing for sure, I needed more money. But borrowing wasn’t the answer. So I sought ways to learn to generate more income. I could share a post of how it started vs how it’s going and it’d be one of those aww moments for you, my friends.😊    

3. No Emergency Savings; 

Note to self: Not having any emergency savings doesn’t qualify as living on the edge – I am a strong advocate of YOLO. But I learnt that having emergency savings is the parachute I did not know I needed until life attempted to push me off the edge. But there’s the happy ending – I discovered simple and convenient ways to categorize my savings.     

4. Late Bill Payments; 

For this, I decided to do better. All that anxiety that comes with bills- I had to combat them. I took back control and now I automate all my bill payments. I use the Vested app for this.   

5. Failing to Invest for the Future; 

I remember asking myself, “how can you claim to love yourself when you do not pay yourself first or invest in your future?” Now, I am building my Sleep-well money and I am making progress with my new plan that helps me feel more in control. 

 Breakups are never easy. Most people come out from it completely “changed”. And I’d say the same happened to me. One thing is certain though, I am never going back to that toxic financial relationship. I’m all about self-love. Renewed, Refreshed, Refined me!   

Till we meet again friend, stay winning!  

With love, 

Dera.